DEEP Girl Talk: Self love/Solo Date Tips, Healing from a Breakup, Confidence, and so much more ❤️

If you are not on your own team, how can anyone else really be on it with you?
That is the heartbeat of this whole conversation.

I filmed this in full self-care mode: candle going, Epsom salt, face mask, hair up: and I just wanted to sit with you like an honest big sister. We are talking solo dates, falling in love with your own life, letting go, healing, comparison, and actually feeling present in your body again. Not theory. Real life.

This is for the version of you who feels lonely, attached to the wrong people, deep in your head, or low-key jealous scrolling social media. You are not crazy. You are not behind. You just need to reconnect with you.

Let us talk about how.

---

Solo Dates And Learning Who You Actually Are

Solo dates are not some huge production. You do not need a five course dinner at the fanciest restaurant with a ring light and a reservation under “main character.”

A solo date can be:

• A picnic at the park with a snack and a book
• A quiet afternoon at the beach or pool
• A movie by yourself with your phone on do not disturb
• A coffee shop work session where you sit with your thoughts, not group chat drama

The point is not “looking independent” for Instagram. The point is intentional time with you. No noise, no constant scrolling, no friend talking in your ear every second.

When you are always surrounded by people, it gets hard to tell which opinions are yours and which ones you borrowed from the group. Silence feels awkward at first, especially if your home is full or you grew up in chaos. That discomfort is not a problem. It is your system adjusting to stillness.

My life came with a long isolation season. For years I did not have many friends nearby. At first it felt like something was wrong with me. Later I realized it was training. Those quiet years forced me to look at my patterns, my family story, my mindset, my faith, my desires. I would not be this version of Alyssa without that season.

Solo time teaches you:

• What you actually like
• What drains you
• What values you stand on
• What you want your life to feel like

And once you get used to doing things alone, you stop waiting for flaky friends to be “free.” You go out. You live. You enjoy your own company. That confidence hits different.

---

Being More Into Yourself Than Any Relationship

“How do I be more into myself than a man?”
Short answer: build the relationship with you first.

If another person feels more important than your own peace, there is a gap inside that you keep trying to fill with attention, texts, and “good morning” messages. Romantic connections are meant to be an addition to your life, not the whole thing.

When you do not know your standards, you end up:

• Saying yes when you mean no
• Ignoring red flags
• Accepting crumbs as if they are a full meal

So pull your energy back for a second. Ask:

• Do I actually like this person, or do I like how they distract me from my own stuff?
• Do I know my non-negotiables?
• Do I speak up when something feels off?

If the answer is “not really,” this is your sign to step back and pour into you. Learn your morals. Set boundaries. Start treating yourself with the same care you wish a partner would show you.

You want flowers? Buy flowers.
You want loyalty? Stay loyal to your goals and values.
You want support? Support your own dreams with real action.

Once you treat you like the prize, you stop chasing anyone who acts confused about your value.

---

Organization That Actually Supports Your Life

Let us talk productivity, because messy schedules create messy feelings.

I grew up in a house where we ran late a lot and the space was not always tidy. So as an adult I swung the other way. I crave structure. I want to know what my day looks like.

The tools that keep me sane:

• A digital calendar with color coded categories (YouTube, travel, coaching, personal)
• Time blocking, so tasks have a start and end instead of floating in my brain
• Planning days, usually Sunday, where I map out the week ahead
• A project tool like Notion or a planner where I can see my life in one place

I have ADHD and time blindness is very real. If I just say, “I need to film, edit, answer emails,” the whole day disappears. When I assign each thing a time window, my brain snaps into focus. It turns into a little game: “Alright, I have two hours for this edit. Let us lock in.”

Rest still counts. Some days the plan falls apart and my bed wins. That does not make you lazy. It just means your body asked for a reset. The key is simple: decide what matters, write it down, and keep showing up for those blocks more often than not.

---

Healing Never Really Ends (And That Is Okay)

Hard truth: healing does not have a finish line.

You can work through childhood wounds, change your patterns, build self worth, and still feel a trigger pop up in a new situation. That does not erase your progress. It simply shows you where to apply the skills you already learned.

For me, a lot of that work started with “daddy issues.” I used to chase external validation, especially from guys. Later I learned to give that attention to myself instead. My relationship with my dad shifted, my self talk shifted, my standards shifted.

Yet even now, in a healthy relationship, a random thought can hit:
“Do you still like me?”
“Are you going to leave?”

Old fear, new setting. The difference is the way I respond. I can pause, breathe, remind myself of reality, and soothe that younger version of me instead of spiraling.

Healing looks like:

• Letting yourself cry without shame
• Feeling anger or sadness in your body, not stuffing it down
• Journaling the lessons from a breakup or friendship ending
• Talking to God about the parts that still hurt
• Moving your body to shake out stored tension

Suppressing emotions does not delete them. They sit there and leak out in other ways. Rage rooms, crying in the shower, dancing in your room, therapy, prayer, journaling: all of that counts as movement.

You will have days where you feel strong and free. You will have days where you want to climb into a blanket fort with ice cream. Both days are part of the process.

---

Friendships, Comparison, Confidence And Real Self Love

Friend breakups can hurt more than romantic ones. Many of us feel guilty for outgrowing people. We tell ourselves, “I am rude if I step away,” even when the connection drains us.

Here is the truth: people enter your life for seasons and for lessons. Most are not meant to stay from middle school to retirement. You are growing. They are growing. Sometimes paths line up. Sometimes they drift apart.

If you notice that:

• Conversations feel forced
• You no longer enjoy the same things
• The friendship centers gossip or habits you left behind

You have permission to say, “I love you, and I need distance.” Some friends will respect that and wish you well. Others will take it personally and show you exactly why you needed to leave. Either way, you choosing peace is not mean.

Then there is social media. You open an app “for inspiration” and suddenly you feel small. Jealousy hits when you see someone living a life you want. That feeling does not make you a hater. It is simply a signal: “My heart wants something similar.”

The shift comes when you think,
“Love that for you, want that for me,”
and then log off and work on your own lane. Limit screen time. Put your phone down. Live in your actual life more often than your For You page.

Real self love is not just bubble baths and quotes. It is:

• Saying no when you mean no
• Saying yes only when you truly want to
• Leaving rooms that require you to shrink
• Standing up for yourself in conversations
• Keeping promises to yourself

If you will not stand up for you, who will? Every boundary you set tells your nervous system, “I got you.” That security turns into quiet confidence.

Forgiving yourself sits in the same category. You have done things past you would never repeat now. That does not cancel your goodness. At that moment you were working with limited awareness, old beliefs, and unhealed wounds.

Talk to that younger self with compassion.
“I see why you made that choice. You wanted love. You wanted attention. You did not know another way at the time. I forgive you. We are learning now.”

You are allowed to grow. That is the whole point.

---

Finding Your Spark Again

When life feels dull, you do not need a huge rebrand. You need small honest joy and alignment.

Start with tiny things that make you light up:

• Coloring
• Swimming
• Late night drives with music way too loud
• Working at a cute coffee shop
• A solo beach day

Walk toward what feels right in your body. Release what feels forced. Surround yourself with people who want growth for you. Spend time in the present, not replaying the past or obsessing over a future that does not exist yet.

Your spark returns each time you choose:
“I am going to live in my truth, take care of myself, and create a life that actually feels like me.”

That is what being locked in with yourself really means.