Key Takeaways
- 1You are allowed to stop chasing an old version of yourself and still call it growth.
- 2Your personality and honesty are valuable, even when you do not feel “put together.”
- 3Real self care looks like taking care of basic needs, not only luxury routines.
- 4Life will interrupt your plans, so your content and expectations need room for reality.
- 5You can rebuild your routines and your channel by coming back to simple, everyday moments.
What is up, friend. If you clicked on this, you probably already know I am a feelings girly. I can go from laughing at myself in the Target hygiene aisle to crying in the car in the same afternoon.
This whole vlog started on one of those days.
I was on my period, arguing with my man, overstimulated, a little puffy from crying, and still sitting in the car like, "Wow, I actually feel terrible, but also kind of good." It was the first time in a long time that I picked up my camera without a detailed plan, a script, or a fake productivity storyline.
Just me, my little anxious attachment brain, and a craving for a Wawa sweet treat.
And that is where everything started to click.
How I Got Lost In “That Girl” Mode
For the past year, I lowkey built a personality around self improvement.
Wake up at 6.
Drink the greens.
Workout, journal, read, reset, repeat.
On and off camera I tried so hard to be disciplined, soft life, productive, healed, all of it. I kept telling myself it was just “leveling up” when honestly it was a loop.
If I slipped, I felt guilty.
If I rested, I felt behind.
If I did not have a lesson to teach, I felt like I had nothing to post.
I took that energy straight into my channel. Every video had to “provide value.” Tips, routines, habits, glow ups. The problem is simple: I am 22. I am still figuring life out. I did not have everything handled, but I kept trying to talk like I did.
No wonder I was burnt out and confused.
The Community Post That Read Me For Filth (Lovingly)
One random day, I finally admitted out loud that something was off. I made a community post asking you what felt missing. I knew in my gut the content was not aligned, but I could not put words to it.
You did.
So many of you commented things like, “We miss the long vlogs,” “We just want to see you live life,” “You inspired me by accident when you were just being you.”
I cried. Multiple times.
You reminded me that I did not build this platform by being a perfect Pinterest board. I built it by talking in the car, doing Target runs, trying new hairstyles, laughing at my own chaos, and saying the thing everyone else is thinking but is scared to say.
You reminded me that I am the value. My real life is the value. My personality, my honesty, my messy middle. Not a color coded habit tracker.
And the hardest pill to swallow: I was trying to teach things I was still struggling with myself. No wonder it felt heavy.
Letting Content Be Life, Not A Performance
So I did the most regular thing ever. I went to get a drink at Wawa and then to Target for hygiene shopping.
That Target cart was not aesthetic. It was deodorant, men’s razors, body wash, mouthwash that might burn my soul a little, conditioner, an electric toothbrush, and way too many decisions in the body wash aisle.
But underneath all the jokes, that trip meant something.
I have been in a financial pinch for most of the year. I was not casually “treating myself” every week. Even buying basics felt like a lot sometimes. And now here I was, giving myself permission to spend on things I actually needed from head to toe.
No “if I hit this goal, then I can take care of myself.”
No “I will buy that when I become that version of me again.”
Just, “I deserve to feel clean, soft, and cared for right now.”
Self care is not always a spa day. Sometimes it is finally replacing your crusty razor and buying floss you will actually use.
Life Does Not Pause For Aesthetic Moments
In the middle of all this, real life hit. Hard.
My cousin Jordan, who is basically my little sister, got in a car accident. One minute we were on the phone making plans. Ten minutes later she called back, out of breath, saying her chest hurt and the ambulance was on the way.
I grabbed my keys.
My tire was acting up, my windshield was cracked, my brain was racing, but there was no world where I stayed home. I drove to the hospital, sat in that bright emergency room, watched her joke through the pain, and felt my entire perspective shift again.
One day I am picking out body oil at Target.
Later that night I am praying in a hospital parking lot.
That is life.
It is not a clean storyline. It does not wait until you are caught up on your habit tracker. It is Target bags on the floor, missed calls, scary updates, relief when the doctor says everyone is okay, and then waking up the next day to figure out insurance and new tires.
If my content pretends everything is perfect, it stops being honest.
Coming Back To The Girl Who Started This
At the end of the day, I am not a self help author. I am a 22 year old woman with an anxious brain, a big heart, a camera, and a community that somehow sees me clearly even when I forget who I am.
You did not subscribe to watch me pretend I know everything. You subscribed to grow up with me. To see the behind the scenes of adulthood in real time.
Some seasons I am locked in, working out, waking up early.
Some seasons I am crying in the parking lot, late on deadlines, trying to get my mind right.
Both versions are still me.
So here is where I am right now:
- I am done chasing an old version of myself.
- I am done forcing every video to be a lesson.
- I am letting my content breathe again.
- If I have wisdom to share, I will. If all I have is a Target receipt and a story time, you are still getting a vlog.
If you are also in your “I thought I would have it figured out by now” era, just know you are not alone. You do not have to earn rest. You do not have to turn every hardship into a motivational speech immediately. Sometimes the most grown thing you can do is tell the truth about where you are, then go buy shampoo and call your cousin.
We are still worthy. Even on the days our life looks nothing like the mood boards.
And if you ever forgot that, I hope this little chaos-filled vlog and this long chat under it reminds you: you are allowed to be a work in progress and still be valuable right now.
Not when you fix everything.
Not when you become “that girl” again.
Right now, as you are.
